The ongoing battle for hearts and minds. Act 1, Scene 1.
[Narrator]
Twas a pretty standard night out in the Beverley town on Friday night. Young Tom put his glad rags on and hit the town with the Admin Support team from work. Bev from Beverley (pretty dolly bird) was there leading the night, and looking exactly like young Tom expected her to look like – oddly inviting. Young Tom realised that night how little he knew about her. She’s one of those girls that likes to be ‘looked after.’ You know what I mean – both emotionally and financially high maintenance, but damn fine. She’s a great girl, but Tom reconsiders his attraction and contemplates either changing tack or giving up the chase altogether. He’s not really sure she’s his type…so crashed and burned with her.
And of course with the pretty one, there’s always the ‘Fat Controller’ as one of Tom’s old school friends so eloquently phrases it (I’m not sure if Thomas the Tank Engine is the right analogy, but never mind). The Fat Controller is a.k.a the friend that is not so pretty but generally has the better personality.
[The audience now realise an exasperated looking Tom has been right in front of them the entire time as he speaks up from his semi-concealed position underneath a sleeping bag on the couch].
“Now I know I’m being picky, but I want the best of both worlds – is that too much too ask? I think I’m just struggling for options in this remote part of the UK. I might as well be the Father Tom of Beverley with the amount of luck I’m having!”
[A crazed and thirsty looking dreadlocked beast suddenly enters the arena and addresses the hushed audience in a rasping voice (oddly akin to that of Captain Jack Sparrow of Pirates of the Caribbean) from a crouched position].
“Wait! There are still more targets within The Predator’s sight. I’m almost complete in my mission to produce a thorough map of hotties within my immediate neighbourhood of County Hall, Beverley. I know where they all sit. The Predator just has to find the most vulnerable victim.” [Evil laugh].
[Tom’s evil side – The Predator – slinks to the back of the stage and Tom’s more angelic personality now enters from a rope swinging from the opposite side of the stage wearing an ornate white flannel dressing gown (similar to The Dude from the Big Lebowski), and wearing somewhat broken and dusty-looking angel wings. The Angel has his hands clasped together and a contented look spread on his face].
“Enough of this talking rubbish! It was a great night! We did the pub crawl and even managed to fit in some dancing and shake out those winter blues! We even danced to that great northern English anthem – ‘Show me the way to Amarillo.’ Magic. It was a bit like trying to have a dance in The Fitz in Palmy - didn’t stop us though did it? Fun was had and friendships were forged. Magic”
[The Predator’s rasp chimes in from the edge of the stage/consciousness]
“We even managed to reawaken a long dormant mid-night desire in Tom for tequila slammers!”
[Tom finally speaks].
“And damn it, I knew there was a reason that one had been put to bed!”
[Both of Tom’s manifest personalities leave now, tussling with and quarrelling with one another behind Tom’s back in their never ending quest for the political middle ground in Tom’s search for the perfect woman. Meanwhile camera pans back to Tom who is still lying on the couch in the lounge with a slightly glazed look on his eyes as he wearily reaches for the remote. BroTown - Series 1 flashes up on the television. Tom sighs].
[End of Act 1]
Twas a pretty standard night out in the Beverley town on Friday night. Young Tom put his glad rags on and hit the town with the Admin Support team from work. Bev from Beverley (pretty dolly bird) was there leading the night, and looking exactly like young Tom expected her to look like – oddly inviting. Young Tom realised that night how little he knew about her. She’s one of those girls that likes to be ‘looked after.’ You know what I mean – both emotionally and financially high maintenance, but damn fine. She’s a great girl, but Tom reconsiders his attraction and contemplates either changing tack or giving up the chase altogether. He’s not really sure she’s his type…so crashed and burned with her.
And of course with the pretty one, there’s always the ‘Fat Controller’ as one of Tom’s old school friends so eloquently phrases it (I’m not sure if Thomas the Tank Engine is the right analogy, but never mind). The Fat Controller is a.k.a the friend that is not so pretty but generally has the better personality.
[The audience now realise an exasperated looking Tom has been right in front of them the entire time as he speaks up from his semi-concealed position underneath a sleeping bag on the couch].
“Now I know I’m being picky, but I want the best of both worlds – is that too much too ask? I think I’m just struggling for options in this remote part of the UK. I might as well be the Father Tom of Beverley with the amount of luck I’m having!”
[A crazed and thirsty looking dreadlocked beast suddenly enters the arena and addresses the hushed audience in a rasping voice (oddly akin to that of Captain Jack Sparrow of Pirates of the Caribbean) from a crouched position].
“Wait! There are still more targets within The Predator’s sight. I’m almost complete in my mission to produce a thorough map of hotties within my immediate neighbourhood of County Hall, Beverley. I know where they all sit. The Predator just has to find the most vulnerable victim.” [Evil laugh].
[Tom’s evil side – The Predator – slinks to the back of the stage and Tom’s more angelic personality now enters from a rope swinging from the opposite side of the stage wearing an ornate white flannel dressing gown (similar to The Dude from the Big Lebowski), and wearing somewhat broken and dusty-looking angel wings. The Angel has his hands clasped together and a contented look spread on his face].
“Enough of this talking rubbish! It was a great night! We did the pub crawl and even managed to fit in some dancing and shake out those winter blues! We even danced to that great northern English anthem – ‘Show me the way to Amarillo.’ Magic. It was a bit like trying to have a dance in The Fitz in Palmy - didn’t stop us though did it? Fun was had and friendships were forged. Magic”
[The Predator’s rasp chimes in from the edge of the stage/consciousness]
“We even managed to reawaken a long dormant mid-night desire in Tom for tequila slammers!”
[Tom finally speaks].
“And damn it, I knew there was a reason that one had been put to bed!”
[Both of Tom’s manifest personalities leave now, tussling with and quarrelling with one another behind Tom’s back in their never ending quest for the political middle ground in Tom’s search for the perfect woman. Meanwhile camera pans back to Tom who is still lying on the couch in the lounge with a slightly glazed look on his eyes as he wearily reaches for the remote. BroTown - Series 1 flashes up on the television. Tom sighs].
[End of Act 1]
Comments